Furtick gives relationship advice

Steven Furtick released this highlight of his recent Impart conference where he downloads his wisdom to pastors and church staffers.

Pajama Pages is happy to provide a translation for you:

I’ve just made a decision in my life that no one human being will take the seat of the throne of lordship in my life, and not one person (and this doesn’t apply to my wife and my kid, because obviously you know that’s a different category) in my life is going to keep me from going to the places that God wants to take me.

Translation: God only wants to take me to really, really neat places. Job is so Old Testament.

You have no idea the relational cost that has to be paid (some of you do, because you’ve paid it) before your ministry can truly grow. And a lot of you have no idea what it feels like to be loved by everyone, but to be known by no-one.

People might not love you, but they sure do love me.

It’s really weird. People come up to me in the restaurant and they’re, like, “Hey, I see you guys are on date night. How did you like the Clemson game Saturday night? I saw you Tweet about that.” And it’s a little freaky; they really know me. And I don’t know them, and I’m trying to have dinner. And usually people are really polite, but still it’s really kind of freaky when you’re, like, “Man, you really know a lot about me,” and I guess I put it all out there, but it’s kind of weird.

I’m really famous, though sometimes I have to talk to little people whom I don’t know.

And what’s more painful than that…

Now think about Jesus. He’s actually invested in these guys and is about to die for them, and they’re sleeping on him. Now think about the relational pain of investing in someone at that level, and then–you know what he says–the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. And it broke Jesus’ heart.

Jesus should have fired that sorry bunch of losers. I would have.

And the single greatest thing standing between some of you and the level God wants to take you to–the stratosphere he wants to propel you into in your leadership–is your unwillingness to confront one relationship in your life.

I’m already in the stratosphere, so the relationship you need to confront is definitely not with me.

I wish I could take your cellphone right now and start asking you questions.

As you know, I don’t do real good talking to anonymous little people like you, but I’m pretty good with cell phones and Twitter.

Some of you have lazy staff members that you’re keeping in positions that they suck at in the name of loving them. You’re not doing that because you love them; you’re doing that because you love the comfort of the relationship you have with them more than you actually love them.

I still have no idea why Jesus kept Peter around. Evangelist, rock. Huh?

I’m not expecting amens in this session. I’m expecting blank stares.

Especially from you suckers who thought it would be a good idea to bring your senior pastor with you today. Go home and start working on your resumes tonight.

I’m preaching so you’ll delete later, not so you’ll say amen now.

Wow, did I mean to say delete? How did some good advice make it into this sermon? Reset.

I’m preaching so you will be empowered. Look, I’m not talking about being cold and being harsh. If you had any idea how much pain we go through to make sure that if someone ever leaves this ministry we take care of them, and we bless them, and we send them. But the most painful things in my leadership life have not been from critics I didn’t know, but from relationships that outgrew their season and I had to let them go.

I’ve fired so many people I can hardly stand it. Don’t you feel sorry for me?

Here’s what I want to prophetically say to some of you who are mourning over a relationship that God has rejected in your life…

When you have to have to destroy a friend’s career, tell them that God made you do it.

1 Samuel 16:1, God confronts Samuel the prophet who was in mourning over Saul, who wasn’t going to make it as the king. “How long will you mourn over what God has rejected?” How long will you mourn over relationships that God was done with three years ago? How long are you going to keep trying to make it work?

I’m the prophet now, so you shouldn’t read anything into the fact that God solved this problem by having the leader fall on his sword. Absolutely no application there.

Would this be a good time to break for lunch?

Translating leadership talk (Virginia edition)

Once again, the translation department of Pajama Pages offers this service for the benefit of our readers. A translation of Noble’s leadership talk at Innovate on Tuesday:

• If you are a pastor in the South, you have to be strapped [own a gun]. BCoop is on the fast track to greatness!!!
• I didn’t say ‘What is it that the deacons or the bloggers want to do in my church?’ Of course I don’t listen to them; this whole experiment is a conversation.
• You gotta’ be stupid to plant a church. Seriously. If you understand this, you understand me.
• God used unschooled, ordinary men to change the world. Paul who? Luke did what?
• People say, ‘The music is too loud.’ Well, you’re going to hate Heaven. That’s why we play Highway to Hell. You’ll love it there.
• If it’s God’s will, it’s God’s bill. That’s what I told the waiter at Sullivan’s yesterday, too, but I don’t think he’s a Christ follower.
• Most churches stick their kids and students in the basement with a woman that knew Moses. It’s just as well, because the stupid church planter wasn’t teaching them much.
• I thought the food fight in the grave yard was a great idea. That’s why they kicked me out of cemetery before I could graduate.
• Here’s how you know you’ve got a vision from God: It makes people mad. God told me I should marry your wife. Hah!
• Christians are the meanest people in the world. Especially the Reformed ones! They’re even worse than Nazis and conservative Republicans.
• Don’t change things just to change things. You’re better off changing things to keep them the same.
• We yell at lost people for acting like lost people. Though my wife hates it when I yell at her while she’s driving. What can I say? I’m working on it.
• Because I haven’t forgotten what it feels like to be lost. Now, can someone help me find the closest Cracker Barrel? I’m really, really hungry.

Today’s PajPage translation

Today’s advice to leaders:

A passionate leader will sacrifice—period! But he must never sacrifice the CAPS LOCK key, question marks (???) or exclamations!!!

Deciphering leadership psychobabble

Last week 3,000 church leaders met in California to tell each other how to run a cutting-edge church. Tony Morgan helpfully provided a rundown of their best advice.

As a public service, I offer this translation of what they said.

• Twayer = Twitter + Prayer. 141-character prayers are too ostentatious.
• Polarize people. You should read Pajama Pages every day.
• Don’t worry, be crappy. Mission Accomplished!
• If you define your organization by what you currently do, you’ll miss the next curve. Though if the count is 3-0, you should be taking the pitch.
• Are there two or three words that can define your church? Abbreviating your profanity helps.
• Make a mantra. Repeat after me: The vision is not a mantra. The vision is not a mantra. The vision is not a mantra.
• Guy has permission to use “suck” and “crappy” in this talk. We have a way cool boss!
• Churn baby, churn. Enemas are so refreshing.
• What would happen if all of us chose to live heroic lives? There’d be no-one to rescue.
• We can awaken God-given dreams inside others. Apparently, God went to sleep.
• I will always be uncertain. I’m certain of it. Cognitive dissonance doesn’t bother me; it makes ministry easier.
• As a leader, it is okay to be uncertain but it’s not okay to be unclear. We don’t know what we’re doing, but we insist that you follow us.
• You can be clear even when you’re uncertain. I wash my windows with mud.
• Where is the vision conflicting with the plan? Sacrifice the plan for the vision. Can you believe they pay me to say this stuff?
• No decision is ever sacred, but the vision never changes. Yes, the vision is sacred.
• The church has become more of a prison than a portal. We want to be less like Prison Break and more like Star Trek. Live long and prosper!
• There has never been one ordinary child born on this planet. You’re all extraordinary like everyone else.
• You may agree or disagree. I don’t really care a whole lot. Actually, we really hate it when you disagree, especially when you’re on staff. Forget I said that.
• We have to redefine the win. We can’t lose.
• I was driven by the numbers. We really admire AIG.
• You can offer free beer and draw a crowd. Next week, we start our new series, Believers and Budweiser.
• We can do more together. Yes, we can! Yes, we can!
• Build your church on what you’re about and not what you’re not about. Say what you mean and not what you don’t mean.
• My pastor says your pastor doesn’t preach the Truth. Your pastor is very discerning.
• I was taught the church should be a safe place, but I’m learning the church should be dangerous again. Henceforth the sanctuary will be decorated like one of those Deadliest Catch boats.
• I dropped out of cemetery. I didn’t even finish. It’s a mystery that will be featured on CSI next week.
• The kid said, ‘I want to go back to the damn church.’ I said, ‘Get his name because he’s going to be on staff someday. We have a very brief application form.
• Only when we surrender do we experience the supernatural. God could use a hand.
• Cheese biscuits bring you closer to God. If my sermon doesn’t work, drop by Bojangles on your way home.
• God said, ‘I need you to feel what I feel, so you can do what I need you to do.’ No, you can’t see my special Bible!
• I don’t want to preach nice sermons. Life is easy when you set achievable goals.
• If you walked up to me and said ‘I like you but your wife is ugly,’ I’d punch you in the throat. Email is safer.
• If you’ve been called to ministry, God’s hand is on you. The rest of you can fend for yourselves.
• Hey man, have you seen my Twitter? Narcissists R Us. Alerting you to my every hunger pang makes me feel special.
• God said, ‘I don’t like those people either, Perry.’ You STILL can’t see my special Bible.
• We don’t know what we’re doing. Betcha didn’t know that. I wish I’d gone to seminary.